Monday, May 12, 2014

Failure.

Why is it that some people have all the confidence while others have none? Why is it that some feel their failures on such a personal level that it's hard for them to get back on their feet when someone else has been negative about them?

wheelchair failMost people think I'm an extrovert because I talk and laugh with many people. I have friends and am friendly to others. In truth, I'm an introvert with extrovert tendencies. An introvert recharges away from others while an extrovert receives a recharge from being around other people. I like people. I like doing things with friends. I like playing the oboe in the church orchestra. I like working with kids. But it scares the snot out of me to have a solo, or to stand and sing in front of people. I sit in the balcony because that's where I'm most comfortable. I don't like the feeling that people are looking at me.

Because I know they're going to find my flaws and find me lacking in some area of my life. For some people, I'm too Christian. For others, I'm not Godly enough. See? I can't win for losing!

Anyway, this is a constant struggle for me - I need to please God rather than man. God is my Judge (and He will always judge righteously) therefore, I need to seek His favor rather than man's. He alone knows the secrets and intents of my heart. He knows where I've failed - but it's easier with Him than it is with others. Why? Because He extends grace and mercy where others give no second chance. He allows us to get up, repent and move forward. Most people don't offer that kind of love to others.

When I've been the recipient of someone's nastiness - imagined or real - there is one thing I always do. I pray about the situation. I tell God exactly what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. Why not? He knows it already, so just admit it and move on, right? During this time of prayer, I ask Him to show me if I'm being too sensitive (surprise. I'm a super sensitive person and honestly, it drives me nuts), or if there's truth to my thoughts and feelings. I ask Him for healing. I ask Him to deal with the other person, and then I ask Him to help me forgive and have a better attitude with them. 

That last one is sometimes the hardest, I'll be honest. It's not easy to forgive and smile when someone's been nasty. Some people would call me a doormat. Oh well. If there's something you're good at, do it, right? Just kidding. :)


What about you? When you're hurt, what do you do?