I hate failing. Really I do. When I'm tested and tried, I hate to fail. It doesn't matter what it's about, either. Karate. Being a good mom. Being a good wife. A good daughter.
I dislike feeling as though I'm not measuring up.
But the worst is when it's a Spiritual battle that I've failed. Those are the worst, I think. To know that I had the best intentions in the world, and yet, try as hard as I might, I. Still. Fail. UGH.
And then, during the midst of berating myself for failing yet again, I hear the still sweet voice whisper in my ear,
"Now, why don't you try it in MY strength, and not your own? I have pretty big shoulders, you know. Bring it. I can handle it and I will walk you through it."
I know. It's not a profound thought, but it's one that I forget every so often. See, I serve a God who loves me and has saved me from my sin. My problem (well, one of many, let's say) is forgiving myself.
Have you ever done something so awful, that it makes you sick to your stomach or made your adrenaline race? I don't like those feelings either. But sometimes, when we're in the middle of a battle, we have all the best intentions in the world and yet when given the right opportunity, we race right back to that secret sin that we can't seem to give up. Like a dog returning to its own vomit.
That's Biblical, you know.
Proverbs 26:11 - As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
Are you stuck today in a secret sin that you just can't give up? Is there something you can't tell anyone else because you know or fear they'll reject you?
If you have Jesus as your Savior, why are you trying to take the burden all upon yourself? Friend, just why? Your shoulders are not large enough to carry the burden ~ to fix the problem. There's only One that can do that. Have you asked Him to fix it? To take the secret sin away? To create a clean heart in you?
You have? Fantastic.
Have you, during this time of healing, have you failed in your purpose to do right?
Have you returned to your folly?
My friend, hit your knees and lay it on God. He can handle it. Confess it once again and ask Him to help you through this. You can tell Him anything and He won't forsake you. He's promised He'll always be there.
Hebrews 13:5 - Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
I know how tough this road is. I have walked it myself and it almost beat me. I failed. I took those steps forward only to fall back.
The trick? Fall on your knees, confess it again, and get up and move forward.