Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Pushing Pause

Some of my friends have noticed that I haven't been on my social media sites nearly as often lately.
They were right

I've had several mention they've missed my funny Facebook statuses.
I've missed them too.

Some have even been concerned enough to pray for me and let me know they're thinking of me.
And I greatly appreciated them doing so. More than they ever'll know.

So here's what's been up with me lately.
I've hit the pause button in my life.

In just a week, our daughter will be graduating from high school. I know many of you have already walked this road, and while I appreciate that I'm not alone in this, this is MY first.

I've homeschooled our children from the very beginning of their scholarly careers, and while I knew this day would eventually come, I had no idea it would be this soon. We've spent the last 14 years doing school together, spending every single day together. (Some were good, some were bad, I admit.) But this is what I've done every single day, five days a week for the last 14 years. (She started reading at 3.)

And I'm going to miss it so much, that I've hit the pause button on some other areas of my life.
Like chasing that book deal? Pause.
Writing feverishly for three hours every day? Pause.
Marketing both my books for hours at a time? Pause.
(I honestly wish I could have hit the pause button for the 39th birthday, but that's another post in itself!)

My time with my little girl is limited. She's stretching her wings and starting to strike out on her own. She's finding her feet. She's gaining independence.
Pretty soon, she'll be gone.

And I'll miss her.

I've got one left still to teach after Tuesday. Our son. Smart little bugger, but one day, he'll be doing the same thing. As is natural, and normal. I'd be worried if they weren't acting this way, but sheesh, it's a bittersweet job, this parenting thing.

We've led them, taught them, prayed over them, prayed with them, fussed at them, played with them, and taught them the necessary skills they're going to need to survive in this world. But still, I wonder, have I done it right? Have I done enough to prepare them for this world? Are they ready spiritually? Are they ready mentally? And I have to admit, that while it's painful, yes. I think they'll be just fine.

But their momma won't. At least for a little while, anyway.

Pushing that Pause button has given me time to focus on the disappearing days I've got left. Don't worry. I'll come back around to writing and chasing my own dreams, but let's be honest here. I've made a career of being mom. Chasing my own dreams was placed on the back burner the day I held my sweet girl for the first time. Because I was hooked.

And it was worth every single second.

Oiy, am I going to be a mess when it's the boy's turn to graduate. o_0
I know it's not the end of the world, this graduation. But it is the start of a new chapter and the closing of another.

For all of us.

Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow, For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. ~ James 4:14 (KJV)

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Amanda Stephan~Christian Author
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