Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Invisible Woman Part 1

Have you ever just wished that you could be invisible for a little while? No one could see you. No one could ask you to do something. You had the freedom to just sit back and observe wherever you were, should you desire to do so. To not participate in life if you didn't want to. To not have to paste on a false smile because someone will ask you what's wrong if you don't.

To be really you. You know the one. The person others wouldn't accept because it's not who they think you are. Or should be.

I'm at that point in my life right now. I'm in this huge spiritual battle, and frankly, I'm free-falling. I'm failing. I'm grasping for the life ropes, and despite my best efforts, I keep missing them. Over and over again. No matter what I do, I don't...quite...reach.


The path is dark, there's not much light that I can see. I'm feeling my way with what little faith I have left.
I'm brokenhearted.

And yet I'm not. I'm given a glimpse of what's really happening and going on.

I'm being fought over. I'm in the thick of the battle, and I'm getting bruised, bloody, and beaten up ~ I feel beaten beyond recognition. If my friends and family could see my raw emotions and thoughts, they'd be shocked. Maybe walk away.

This isn't new. This has been going on for a while. It's just getting bigger, probably because I didn't nip things in the bud. I thought I could play a dangerous game with fire. You know what they say about playing with fire? That whole thing about getting burned? It's true. If you play with fire, you will get burned.
Ask me how I know. I had to become brokenhearted before I could...


Isn't that odd? That oftentimes, it takes something hurtful or hitting rock bottom before you learn something? But what is it they say? The only place to go from here is up? And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go up from here.

So the next few weeks, Lord willing, I'm going to share my journey from the Invisible Woman to the Godly woman He wants me to be. I'm inviting you to grow with me. Learn. Become what God has called you to be. Because that's the best there is.

Create in me a clean heart, oh God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

Amanda Stephan~Christian Author
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